By Dr. Sara Michelson
Licensed Psychologist Chapel Hill N.C.
Why Holidays Can Feel Difficult
Holidays are often marketed as times of joy, celebration, and connection, moments that families and friends look forward to with excitement; however, for many, holidays can feel difficult, even stressful or painful. This contrast between societal expectations of happiness and personal experiences can be overwhelming. Understanding why holidays can feel challenging requires exploring several factors, including personal losses, family dynamics, societal pressures, and mental health struggles.
1. Grief and Loss
For those who have experienced the death of a loved one, holidays can be a reminder of their absence. While everyone around may be celebrating, the person grieving can feel an acute sense of emptiness. Traditions that once involved family gatherings, shared meals, and special rituals now may feel incomplete or even painful. This can be especially true for those who have lost a partner, a parent, or a close friend, as the void left by these individuals may feel more pronounced during these celebratory times. The sadness associated with grief doesn’t necessarily subside during holidays; in fact, it can often be amplified by the stark contrast between personal mourning and outward celebration.
2. Family Dynamics and Expectations
Family dynamics can play a significant role in how holidays are experienced. For some people, holidays are an opportunity to reconnect with family, but for others, they can be a source of tension and anxiety. Families are often complex, with unresolved conflicts or toxic relationships that resurface during holiday gatherings. Arguments, misunderstandings, and emotional baggage can overshadow the festive spirit. For those who come from dysfunctional families, the pressure to conform to an idealized vision of family harmony can feel like an impossible burden. Similarly, the expectations placed on individuals to “have a perfect holiday” can create stress. From cooking elaborate meals to finding the perfect gifts, the pressure to meet unrealistic standards can detract from the joy of the season, leaving people feeling inadequate or overwhelmed.
3. Societal Pressures and Commercialization
The commercialization of holidays, especially around Christmas and New Year, can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy. Advertising, social media, and the pervasive presence of idealized holiday images often create a gap between people’s actual experiences and the perfect version of holidays shown in commercials or on Instagram. People are bombarded with images of festive decorations, extravagant gifts, and idealized family moments, which can make them feel like they are not measuring up. For those who struggle financially or who are going through tough times, these images can intensify feelings of isolation or failure. The expectation to spend money on gifts, elaborate meals, and vacations can lead to stress, debt, and burnout.
4. Mental Health Struggles
Mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and loneliness can become more pronounced during the holidays. The holiday season is often associated with a sense of joy and togetherness, but for those who experience mental health challenges, these expectations can feel burdensome. People with depression may find it difficult to muster the energy or motivation to participate in celebrations, while those with anxiety may feel overwhelmed by social gatherings or the pressure to meet expectations. The winter months, which often accompany many holidays, can also contribute to feelings of sadness or lethargy, especially for those affected by seasonal affective disorder (SAD). For individuals who already feel isolated or disconnected, the emphasis on social connection during the holidays can make their loneliness feel more pronounced.
5. Overwhelming Expectations
The sheer volume of activities and obligations during the holidays can also make them feel difficult. From planning meals and attending events to managing travel logistics and trying to keep up with work, the holiday season can seem like a never-ending list of tasks. While some people may genuinely enjoy the hustle and bustle, others may feel mentally and physically drained by the constant demands. The pressure to balance work, family commitments, and personal time can lead to burnout, making it difficult to enjoy the festivities. Moreover, the emphasis on perfection—whether it’s a perfectly decorated home or an impeccably planned event—can cause unnecessary stress, taking away from the simple joys of the season.
6. Disconnection from Personal Needs
In many cases, the focus on external expectations during the holiday season leads people to neglect their own needs, both physical and emotional. The rush to buy gifts, prepare meals, and attend social events can cause individuals to lose sight of their own well-being. The pressure to be constantly cheerful or engaged with others may leave little room for self-care. Additionally, individuals may feel obligated to meet family or cultural traditions, even if those traditions no longer align with their own values or desires. In doing so, they may experience a sense of disconnection or dissatisfaction. The holidays, meant to offer a break from routine, can become an exhausting cycle of pleasing others and ignoring one’s own emotional or physical limits.
Conclusion
Thus, while holidays are meant to be a time of celebration, togetherness, and joy, they can often bring up complex emotions and challenges. From grief and loss to the pressures of family expectations and societal norms, the holiday season can be a difficult time for many people. By acknowledging the reality that holidays are not universally experienced as joyful, society can become more supportive of those who struggle during this time. It is important to recognize that holidays are not a one-size-fits-all experience, and that it is okay to feel a range of emotions during the season. Practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and seeking support can help alleviate some of the pressure, allowing people to navigate the season in a way that honors their own unique emotional needs.
Dr. Sara Michelson is a Licensed Psychologist in Chapel Hill N.C.
I am a doctoral-level licensed psychologist in Chapel Hill North Carolina; I have expertise in various evidence-based treatments for adults and am committed to providing scientifically validated interventions. I work with a diverse population, including trauma, insomnia, mood disorders, anxiety, and relationship problems. I take my work and clinical specializations seriously and continue to devote a considerable amount of time and effort to advance my training and professional development. For your convenience, my services are provided via telehealth.